Can boys and girls just be friends? What do you think

Sarah Elgohary                Movie Paper Question 4 

COM 101                        4/18/13 Word count 1,256

There is a fine line between what things appear to be and what they actually are; reality is not always black and white. Each person has his or her own perspective and opinions about what reality appears to be, and what reality actually is. The movie When Harry Met Sally confronts the problems men and women face while communicating with each other, the differences between non verbal communication vs. verbal communication, and the different stages of any relationship. It also reflects managing conflicts of gender roles in society, which are necessary in order to develop and maintain all of the types of relationships, especially intimate relationships.  The movie When Harry Met Sally represents these problems by Nora Ephron’s ability to create an environment in stages where the audience can see the fundamentals of communication when two people are able to develop a deep relationship over a period of time.

The film’s story was something both sexes could relate to Harry Burns (Billy Crystal) and Sally Albright (Meg Ryan) both wanted a friend of the opposite sex. However, they are confronted with the problem of the differences in each other’s needs and their perception of the opposite sex.  Perception is the key to understanding the world around us. Each person perceives life in a different way. In order to communicate well with others to form and manage relationships, people must acknowledge how their partners perceive certain problems or aspects of life differently than they do, and both partners have to learn to accept each other’s boundaries in a relationship. In my opinion, Nora Ephron was trying to represent how the perception of each other’s partners can affect the romantic feelings they have for each other, if there are any romantic feelings. This affects the communication patterns partners have in their relationship.  That is why she purposely asked the question, can a man and a woman be friends, without sex getting in the way?  When “Harry and Sally first meet on the trip from Chicago to New York, they are ´ in the first stage of any relationship. The first stage of a relationship   is the Initiation stage where the two people who have just met can “break the Ice”. Harry asks Sally the question “Can a man and a woman be friends, without sex getting in the way?” in order to “break the ice“and to start a conversation with Sally which leads to the beginning of Harry and Sally’s platonic relationship. 

Even though Harry and Sally are both sexually attracted to each other, both partners choose not to act on their mutual sexual attraction so they have a platonic relationship, which over time turns into love and a romantic relationship. The question, “Can a man and a woman be friends, without sex getting in the way?” creates an impersonal conflict for Harry and Sally because they both disagree on whether or not to become friends, and they are interdependent people whose goals are incompatible.   Sally believes in friendship, but Harry does not, as a result, the persistent struggle between Harry and Sally’s differences in their opinions creates another impersonal conflict. The film has a typical three-act organization which shows the different stages of a very intimate relationship two people can experience the more they communicate with each other.  In the first scene of the movie Harry declares that men and women cannot be friends because sex gets in the way. Then as the movie progresses over time

Harry and Sally become friends.  Finally, in the end, they have slept together and tainted their friendship, the couple comes back together as friends in love. While traditional romantic films rely on the concept of love at first sight When Harry Met Sally is a very unique romantic film because it takes time in exploring the long stages of communication in an intimate relationship and comical process by which two people come together. 

In one scene, Sally is   distressed at learning that her previous boyfriend is getting married, calls Harry over and breaks down in Harry's arms. Harry underplays the moment and is unmoved by the fragility of Sally, even as she is completely hysterical. This satisfies the stereotypical level-minded man versus the unstable woman. He is a shoulder to lean on out of necessity, not by choice. I feel like this scene has a lot of non verbal communication cues about our basic human needs to be loved, appreciated, and respected.  These needs are intentionally not spoken aloud, but they must be fulfilled to survive. Sally’s need for comfort and support from Harry is shown when she asks Harry not to let her go and to hold her longer before they have sex. The frame cuts to the post-sex moment where sex has changed everything. This scene between Harry and Sally after they sleep together is awkward and difficult. The camera frames Sally’s satisfied complexion and overall ecstasy as she lies next to a naked Harry in bed. Has sex proved they belong together? The camera pans from her happiness to his anxiety and fear as exposed in the contrasting horrified expression on Harry’s face. Harry is dismayed because he has been put into a position where he might be forced or at least expected to let go of his independence. Sally is beaming with joy because the distant friendship without sex has blossomed into a close relationship with sex, or has it? In the next cut, Harry wakes up in the morning and uses the excuse of work as a means of a quick escape while Sally is left alone in bed. This scene marks the contrast between two individuals quarreling about sex versus the meaning of sex. In other words, Sally wants intimacy, and Harry wants independence. The film has a powerful message about the role of sex. It can be toyed with and essentially minimized, as Harry has done most of his life, or it can become the crossroad that either helps to hold a relationship together or tears it apart.

Another theme of the film is that each case of romance is different; this is represented by the use of short "interview" sequences scattered through the film in which elderly couples tell their own version of love. This adds optimism to the film and also an authenticity to the predicament. This signifies how the passage of time  and the perception of each person in the relationships has not changed because of the love and intimate feelings that they have shared during the long process of communication that it takes to develop a deep relationship. The content versus the film’s organization arranges the story about Harry and Sally into a larger context of the beginning of the elderly couples ‘relationships, all started with Harry and Sally’s love for each other.  The stories are all unique, but the end product of spending the rest of your life with someone you love has universal appeal.

    The movie When Harry Met Sally illustrates that communication is a lifelong process.  It confronts the problems men and women face while communicating with each other, the differences between non verbal communication vs. verbal communication, and the different stages of any relationship. It reflects people‘s ability to manage the conflicts of gender roles in society, which are necessary in order to develop and maintain all of types of relationships, especially intimate relationships.  The movie represents the stages of how two individuals can come together, and creates an environment where the audience can see the fundamentals of communication when two people are able to develop a deep relationship over period of time.